A Short Tirade Against the City

As you may well know I’ve had a difficult time adjusting to life in the Pacific Northwest, but I’ve taken to biking and running alone in whatever scraps of nature I can find and I’ve come to believe in the last few days that it’s not so much Pennsylvania I miss as the outdoors in general. Since my arrival here I have been suffering from severe nature deficit disorder. Scout and I have gone out to the woods on only a handful of occasions whereas I used to go hiking, harvesting, exploring, or be working on some primitive project, in the winter, let’s say once a week, and nearly every day in the spring and summer. There wasn’t really anything else to do. But it’s not Urban Scout’s fault, I haven’t even desired to work on primitive skills or learn about nature since I got here. The city seems to take that desire and suffocate it, overwhelming you with other stimuli, making it impossible to concentrate. On the other end of the spectrum, times back east when I went camping in the woods for days or weeks on end I found the desire to learn skills and pay attention to nature infinitely easier than even in my country home. It was impossible not to know the phase of the moon, or the direction the wind was blowing, or wonder what kind of frog makes that noise. I’ve come to believe that if you have to make yourself pay attention to these things, making a concentrated effort to go outside and record them in your little journal, there’s something very wrong with the way you are living.

As I said in comments on my last blog, I understand why people raised in the city would not feel the soul-crushing horror that I do living in the city, how it’s “good” for them in the same way my sugary comfort food is “good” for me, but in the end I simply find it incongruous with the values of rewilding. Yes, it is possible to connect with nature on a deep level while living in the city, but it isn’t easy. You’re working against the grain as well as exposing yourself to (more) toxic air, water, noise pollution, light pollution, electromagnetic fields, and crime. Cities, as the epitome of civilization, are irredeemable in my eyes, and like the Ring of Power they corrupt all those who come near. (Note: I’m not really a nerd. I’ve only even seen one of the LOTR movies.)

In these primitive circles I often hear community being valued over nature because “people are social animals”. Those who wish to run away from it all and move to the wilderness are ostracized and ridiculed as not getting what rewilding is all about. I can’t disagree with this viewpoint enough. For one, the person who runs away to live in the woods, generally does not want to be alone at all, but is forced to be alone because the abusive and hypnotic nature of the city has his friends and family ensnared in its ugly tentacles. Secondly, it’s a limited point of view that includes only humans in the definition of community. Nothing underscores my point more clearly than what happened yesterday. We went to harvest wapato, an important and much talked about native food for the region. Many of my friends in Portland have been espousing these anti-civilizational values for the last10 years, yet we went to a location based not on firsthand experience of harvesting wapato before or seeing wapato growing there but by following someone else’s directions. Needless to say we barely found any wapato. I find this sort of incident completely unforgiveable. You can’t rewild philosophically without a sound knowledge of place and you can’t rewild physically without a community. So city people shut up, get outside, and walk your talk, and country people stop whining about how lonely you are and start reaching out to whoever (person, plant, or animal) you can find. We need both.

32 Responses to “A Short Tirade Against the City”

  1. Dragon Says:

    some folks talk.
    some walk.
    Some folks can.
    Most folks cant
    Few of them give a shit till the power goes out.
    Most of them wont wake up till the last of their GM food runs out.
    After your used to the big bad woods for awhile,cities stink worse than a july roadkill.
    Most city dwellers smell like garbage. They are what they eat after all.
    most of them couldnt stalk their own shadows in the woods. So that gets meat right off their menu. Fewer still know which plants are good to eat or which parts or when its safe to eat them.
    So I guess that leaves bugs on their menu.
    Me,I aint prepared to sink that low. Dragon

  2. erin Says:

    go to Waldron Island -
    i think you’ll like it there - even if its only for a week - i left some wood chopped for the fire.
    wishing you well from Paris Penny Scout!

  3. roxanne Says:

    great short rant concentrating much of what i feel here in my small city, too. wish i had known you when you lived out east, here. i walk around here wondering why (even tho i know) so few people know where food really comes from, why i can’t find food if i needed to (and i do), wishing i knew what you do. i walk practically everyday, and hear people say “spring doesn’t happen here”, but they wouldn’t know spring from a flying pig, since they spend most of their time indoors. i was thinking a lot about much of what you said here, one day last year, when i was walking around the poisoned lake in the city park, i saw a woman picking berries from a tree and putting them into a bag, and eating some. i stopped to talk and she was from poland, some 17 yrs ago. i could tell she was poor, and was foraging because that’s what she knew how to do, and could afford… i asked her how she knew these berries were ok to eat. she said the birds told her: if the birds eat them, she knows she can…

    thank you for writing this, penny. i hope it’s a chapter in a book, or an article in a series in a magazine…

  4. Lizzy Says:

    I agree Penny Scout. I drove to the beach yesterday and planned on going for a hike in the woods along the way. They were all clearcut. All clearcut. I don’t know where to go without running into a clearcut. I had a nervous breakdown and one of the worst panic attacks yet. All of my intuition tells me to leave the city, yet when I do, I’m all alone, in a clearcut forest with no food. I don’t feel like there’s anywhere for me. My community is here, yet won’t follow me out. But if they did, where would I lead them? The conundrum of my life.

  5. caldoni Says:

    great! just what this city needs another person from some place else who moves here and complains. i’ma tell you what i tell everyone else: if you don’t like go. you’re a six hour drive from the most empty, wild, and anti-civ place in continental u.s. you wanna talk about re-wilding? go to steens mountain and points east, start walking east-south-east. it would take 1 day to drive there. then no more boo-hoo. your re-wilding friends may be the biggest posers ever. like if i went deep into a cave in the lava-tubes at bend put on beret can called myself a artist and social theorist. it’s laughable in a place where you can’t actually walk your talk. 1 day, penny, that’s all it takes. one day’s drive and you’re at the gates to a big fat empty where there’s no humanity, just antelope, wild horses, hawks and crushing, crushing silence and lonelyness. (good pine nuts and mustard grass to forage too)

  6. Urban Scout Says:

    Rewilding means undoing domestication. Cities mark the most domesticated places in the world. Rewilding the city does not sound incongruous with rewilding at all. If the cities intensity and toxification make you feel awful, than leave it. When you knock those people who choose to rewild the urban environments (like me, your boyfriend) you sound like a purist. Your personal taste varies from others. You can tell us about how it makes you feel. Don’t talk down about those who don’t experience it the same way you do. That doesn’t make us any less or more focused on rewilding it just makes it look and feel differently.

  7. Penny Scout Says:

    I disagree about the cities being the best place for undoing domestication because they are the most domesticated. It’s too late. I see it as a futile effort, a losing battle. If disaster were ever to strike, the city would likely become a cesspool of pestilence and violence to which most people would flock to anyway looking for jobs, and those of us who have no need to rely on money would sneak quietly away into the night. But it would be a helluva lot easier to leave before the final hour.

    Does city living really affect people’s psyches? Let me put it this way. Do you know anyone who loves getting stuck in traffic? Do you know any primitivist who doesn’t talk about leaving the city someday? We all dream of it. At best I see the city as a convenient center for gathering likeminded people together and disseminating information. It’s perfect for gatherings like Rewild Camps, hosting speakers, and finding students to pay for skills classes, not to mention all the free shit on Craigslist, but I think the city environs are too toxic and the green spaces too few and far between to truly support a vibrant hunter-gatherer culture. The picture is incomplete without the “underground railroad” to more wild places. We don’t want to build reliance on the city. We want to gently break that reliance. It can be a starting point, you can rewild even from a jail cell, but for most it’s not the end of the journey.

    I’m not a purist, but I suppose I am a moderate. I know Derrick Jensen says we need it all. I agree. No doubt this includes warriors willing to put up with the noise and pollution, who feel at home there, in order to rally and train people in the fight against civilization. Yet what good is reading books about forest gardening and wild edible plant intensification strategies without land to practice on? Each person doesn’t have to do it all, but without someone in “the tribe” who knows where the wapato grows, we’re all going to die. I may be blind, but I don’t see anyone within my small circle who knows the land within OR outside of the city like the back of their hand. Yes, I’m frustrated and venting my anger and yes I’m calling out my friends on certain things I feel are lacking. I for one am getting out of Portland ASAP. I have the skills, I can become the go to person for questions like “where is the best salmonberry patch?” I just hope that someday the rest of my tribe will follow. If you want to meet and come up with a coherent 5-year game plan, you know where I live.

  8. lukehefele Says:

    hey,
    thanks for writing. I feel your struggle. I just moved to Tucson from Philadelphia in September, thinking the southwest would be an easier place to find solace. Some parts are. Tucson is not. You need a car to escape and the surrounding wilderness is unforgiving, not much water being the hardest thing. I’m leaving in March to do trail service in Colorado, which I have mixed feelings about, but at least it will be insight into how our parks are cared for, and I get to watch spring in the rockies take shape. While I’ve been here I try to see the city new everyday, those crazy metal motorized over sized wheel chairs are pretty amazing, as evil as my conditioned self knows they are.
    Take care
    Luke

  9. Anona Mouse Says:

    Ecology, convenience, community, and all other things aside;

    Cities are terrible for the spiritual side of a person accustomed to wilder places.
    It’s not that the hustle and bustle of cities is overwhelming. Or maybe it is. But what really gets me is that you can’t open your senses without coming across human signs, symbols of his or her status, adds. It’s an environment of commercialism. Where at every turn your reminded of some human fashion trend, some human TV show, some human product. It’s just so many signals about shit that is of no consequence to a person who doesn’t care about such things. - Cities suck ass if you’re a person who takes pleasure in developing real relations between a myriad living things in an environment that is made of living things in all sides.
    Maybe it’s true that “it’s all a wilderness”, but cities are wilderness of people shit, while the ‘bush’ is a wilderness of uncontrived elements. I don’t think city raised people (or even rural folks who live inside) can easily grasp my point, but cities are bad for your soul.

  10. Me Says:

    The only argument for staying in cities is that they are filled with humans, so we can meet likeminded people and build solidarity there. thats it. really, if you want to rewild, find a group of people you love, and go somewhere you can build a place together and live for free. somewhere you can step out side and practice archery, right there, set snares right there, track animals right there, plant seeds right there; all things that are pretty well impossible in a city.
    it is really odd that the most vocal people in this online rewilding community are seemingly the least active in physical rewilding. they are apologists for their lack of action, and will no doubt come up with great philisophical diatribes to put down anything that challenges their position (instead of actually taking the criticism and considering it could be valuable). i say people got to get out and do it! - go out and build a place and LIVE wherever until you get told to leave (which may be never depending on how smart you are and how dumb they are). this is not impossible, i know, i am doing it.
    cultivate love, live in love, translate it into action.

  11. Me Says:

    o and urban scout one of my remarks was pointed at you, you are very vocal about rewilding, but dont seem very focused on learning skills or becoming wild. you do alot of writing on the subject, but it seems pointless given you havent even tried on the shoe to see if it fits. as well jason godesky is very vocal about rewilding, and has no experience with living outside civilization. i am not a purist, and i am not asking you to enlighten me, i am saying that it seems really important if you are going to influence peoples ideas about rewilding, that you get to it, cause you know you might not like physically rewilding as much as you like the IDEA of rewilding.

  12. Penny Scout Says:

    Look, this rant wasn’t to say that Urban Scout and others in Portland don’t do important work. For example, they do some really innovative stuff to break through the crippling guilt and dogma inflicted by certain wilderness schools and movements like green anarchy. If I didn’t believe that I wouldn’t be here and Urban Scout wouldn’t be my boyfriend! The people I am acquainted with have varying amounts of experience living outside of civilization and practicing the physical skills of rewilding. All I was trying to do in writing this was express my frustration and aloneness about not getting outdoors more right now and blame that circumstance on the conditions imposed upon us by civilization, particularly city living, not on the people. Hell, I’ve never even made a bowdrill fire and that’s not the city’s fault. I’m just lazy.

  13. Dragon Says:

    I agree with you Penny.
    But you and scout are young,so it serves you well to do some crusading.
    By now you got a feel how that guy called Noah must have felt. If in fact he ever existed.
    I felt very much the same 30 years ago.
    Your tribe now realizes that short comings exist and can work to change that now,instead of later. The Wapato Lesson,an example in learning. gained rather cheaply I might add. I follow the Path of the mountain man, but I will learn what I can of plant lore from a re-wilder. I would also teach what I know to any who wish to learn. This free exchange of Ideas and knowledge must continue if any of us are to survive.
    Remember,
    Even those just getting started at rewilding will still have better chances than those who are in “Denial”.

    Jensen and Godesky have plenty to say ,but I would rather hear what Scout knows,what Scout thinks.
    It does me good to see that you two chewing over Ideas in the public forum. It shows the the both of you are actually thinking for yourselves.
    I wrote the cities off years ago….The time to rewild them will be after the people are gone.
    and for those interested in De-toxing a city there was a Pagan group doing just that after Katrina.
    All in all a good post ,especially with all this discussion.
    I’ll give it ****.

  14. vincentcaldoni Says:

    emilly i totally agree with what you say in response with peter. i say urban scout does unimportant work, he’s like any other performance artist, he’s like me. i make dumb movies, what i don’t do is say my movies are going to save the world. they can’t, they won’t. i’m not trashing on you when i say sincerely: 10 miles east on gravel from diamond, stop the motor, keys in pocket, walk 3 day south-southeast. it might kill you, but the eastern united states don’t have wild. i don’t think peter’s ever seen the wild. the true wild, where no one can help you. 60 miles from a fence. i don’t think he’s been. you should go. call me before you go where ever you go. i’d like to hear from you. get out of portland before it turns you into an urban scout.

  15. quantumkid Says:

    I am assuming that you know Grandfather and how he felt just being around civilization.It scared the bejesus out of him.Why?He had connected so well with nature(and the spirit that moves through all things) that in his mind and probably feelings he felt he was moving into the total lack of this.Cities crush peace,harmony,and connection.Is there work to do in the cities? Yes there is but not for me.I fear this same feeling when I need to travel to the city.The standing tall people(trees) are not concrete buildings sorry.And tracking on a concrete pavement is not exactly the type of pressure release I want to see.

  16. jhereg Says:

    Dragon said:
    “So I guess that leaves bugs on their menu.
    Me,I aint prepared to sink that low.”

    bugs? i don’t get it. what’s wrong w/ bugs?

    me, i’m an omnivore’s omnivore, there’s precious little i’m not willing to eat as long as i know what it is and have a hand in preparing it….

    on cities & being alone:
    it’s hard for me to not notice the very powerful change in how i feel when i head out to the woods. so i can certainly sympathize with that. you kind of lost me when you mixed that up w/ having a tribe tho’. i’m stuck being in a city for a bit longer, but when i do leave it, it won’t be alone. just my 2 cents.

    ps: also, i’m there with you on not getting out much lately. numerous events have been conspiring to keep us homebound so far this year. booger.

    pps: although, i did make a blowgun for me (and a much smaller one for my daughter). i made some blunt darts, and we’ve had a blast shooting them at a little target on the stairs (it’s very close range, but, ah, well). she’s pretty excited about going squirrel hunting with it.

    ppps: Dragon said: “I’ll give it ****”; do you have any idea how long it took me to realize that “****” wasn’t supposed to be a “bad” word. it nearly drove me nuts…. :)

  17. Dragon Says:

    Ahem,I meant four stars,sorry for the confusion.
    I ain’t slept in over 24 hrs.

  18. jhereg Says:

    i got it, just took me a while. bit sleep deprived atm myself :)

  19. Urban Scout Says:

    Caldoni,

    I spent tons of time as a teenager in the woods. I went camping every month in the Boy Scouts. I am an Eagle Scout. At 16 I dropped out of high school and moved to the woods. I came back to the city years later and have been teaching wilderness education since while continuing to learn more.

    My blog gets 200 visits a day. People constantly tell me that my writing/videos/work inspired them to rewild. I run a internet forum for people to discuss rewilding. I started it a year ago and it has 300 members world wide now and growing. As of today, my blog has had 21,619 unique visits and 134,949 pageviews from 102 countries. While what I do may not “save the world” (whatever that means), it futhers rewilding and will help soften the crash of civilization.

    It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that I do what I do well. Perhaps the reality is that you’re just jealous of my popularity? Either way, you can go fuck yourself.

  20. Urban Scout Says:

    ME, or Devin or Plains or whoever the fuck you are… (you all sound the same so I’m guessing you’re all the same person)

    Like Caldoni you have made many assumptions about me without asking or looking deeper. I wouldn’t talk about the “shoe” of rewilding if it didn’t fit. Your lack of interest in my past and my experience and your quick judgment of me let me know you are someone who doesn’t understand rewilding at all.

    Of course, any old asshole can comment on the internet.

  21. Anonymous Says:

    Actually no, this is Plains right here. I’m not some fucking troll who hates you so don’t accuse me of stuff like that. One little mention of your name in one little blog post and you’re like ahhhh explode. Have I ever attacked you on the forum? Or anyone for that matter? I just try to get along and point some things out here and there. I want the same things you do as far as I can tell. I just want to enlighten myself and others when I can and to have everyone live a good life. You know if what I said hurt you, then I’m sorry. I’m not often a nice person, but I am sensitive and easily hurt and have a good relationship with suffering, so I get that. So I’m sorry but I don’t take it back.

    Anyway, Penny Scout, welcome (back I assume) to hopelessness. I don’t think you’ll find any really likable living situation soon in your life. Maybe you could somewhere else in the world, but it would be too hard to get into for basic reasons and for cultural and linguistic barriers. Maybe a change to a more involved (except for people) life will help your for the time being, huh? Try to stay alive and as well as possible and to keep learning, cause something might come to you (or you to it). Or don’t. It’s up to you. As a distant, disconnected stranger, I care about you and hope you find yourself in good circumstance sometime.

  22. Urban Scout Says:

    Hey Plains,

    There you go getting uselessly emotional again. ;-P

    Well it’s good to know it wasn’t you talking shit this time and good to know you’re not either of those other assholes. You’re not a troll who hates me, or someone who sounds offensive on the rewild site… just someone who says (on my fiance’s blog) that I don’t go far enough and am stuck in the same place. Than you say I’m uselessly emotional when I come back and tell you that you don’t fucking know who I am, nor what I do. What I write about is generally the things I have already internalized and not what I am currently into. So you shouldn’t act surprised when I think that someone saying some other shit about me on my fiance’s blog is you. I’m glad it’s not you, other than the bullshit venom you so cavalierly spewed at me here (once), I have no opinion of you.

  23. Plains Says:

    dude.

  24. Anona Mouse Says:

    I came back to this blog in the hopes that there was some discussion on the trials of city living. Like maybe someone else feels the atmosphere pollutes your soul? And I find the a bloody popularity contest like I haven’t seen since junior high. “I was an eagle scout!” he says. Ha ha.
    It’s really funny when you step back and look at it. It must be fun being one of you city scouts.. I bet you guys are going to miss the drama, and find it useless, if you ever move into the sticks. You know?

  25. Dragon Says:

    Mouse I hate being down on the flat,but,as I spent my winter down here I can tell you I miss being out and up at the camp. up there the only visitors I get are the 5-0 looking for meth labs and moonshiners. if I hear one car a week I’m lucky…Down here its all noise and people talking loud,nasty smells…up there I have 18 deer in my front yard every morning and they don’t fear me.
    My winter has been well spent though as I’ve learned more about plants,so I’ll garden less,not that i garden much now…..I cant wait to be up there again so i can breathe. Dragon

  26. Atta Says:

    UrbanScout means well. Ok. So let him be. PennyScout mean well. Ok. So let ‘er be. Like a bee. Or a tree. Or some emotional blasphemy. But when the bolts come. And the fun. To block out the sun. We’ll all be dancing with some. Some do what you must. Lust. But the thunder will turn us to dust.

  27. A thought Says:

    Whoever has done or said whatever, the way this blog turned into people trying to show one another up is boring. I am more interested in Penny’s site when it sticks to the well chosen subjects she sets forward. I don’t really see how anybody can justify their using it as a personal opportunity to pursue a commentary dance off. Maturity might look like resisting the temptation to respond to silly personal attacks…maybe Urban Scout will feel singled out, but I really think he especially has an obligation (being Penny’s fiancé) to rise above such displays as can and ultimately do undermine people reading and posting on this site.

    Leaving that aside, it isn’t really appropriate, as Penny herself points out, to make it about him. It’s a kind of provocation and really has no place in the conversation.

    To Penny: If there were anyway you could erase some of the bullshit off of this forum it would do more bad than good. As always, I was really interested in the topic, but the “blah blah blah” was ridiculous. Maybe you can edit it out? I dunno…I guess I would recommend it as annoying as that part is to read.

  28. A thought Says:

    I think I meant to say more good than bad…yeah…anyway…you get the idea…

  29. Bob A Lingananda Says:

    I moved here in august of 2001.That first winter here absolutely sucked for me.I was depressed and lazy and sick most of the time.And then the beauty of the earth poured out in bright colored trees and flowers,The sun came out to play again and my life got better in all ways.Now I have been here for seven years and the winters dont affect me as much.I find it is important to recognize that the winter is always slower here and with such little sun hard to be full energy.Other than that I say if your feeling like getting out of the city go for it.I will be getting out myself in a few years

  30. Carrot Says:

    Penny- thanks for writing this. You should write a book. I would read it. I didn’t even read all those dumb responses. I just wanted to tell you I appreciate your blog and struggle with the same feelings. I’m in portland right now for a year to go to herb school, and I kind of hate it a little bit. But you’re right, it’s a great place to get information.

  31. Devin Says:

    Urban Scout wrote: “ME, or Devin or Plains or whoever the fuck you are… (you all sound the same so I’m guessing you’re all the same person)”

    Wow, Scout, I just found this after months and months — I haven’t even visited your website when my attempt to open a dialogue with you got shut down in AUGUST of last year. I harbor no ill will toward you and never did, so it really surprises me that in February, 6 months later, you were still upset enough to assume that someone writing something you don’t like that doesn’t leave their name is me. o_O

  32. jenna cavelle Says:

    i think you just became my personal hero.

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